I’m sorry for what I have let our communication become. You have blessed me with an eternity that I consistently fail to recognize. Though You live in me, I limit You to our scheduled meeting times; most of which I do not attend. Sadly my intentions to meet with You are not because I love You, but because I want You to “fill me up”. My mind classifies the event of Talking With God under the category of My To Do list, and places the event 3rd or 4th. When I get around to talking AT You, I am so distracted by other thoughts that our five minutes I aimed for is generally cut to about one and a half. Instead of telling You why I am distracted, I insist on forcing out meaningless words. I ignore my passions and embrace the expected prayers. I ignore my pains and send You my complaints. I hide my lack of faith by praying for generalities, and give You half the credit for half of the answered requests. Not only do I forget what I talked to You about, but I don’t even try to remember. I come to you with questions because I am too lazy to look in Your book of answers. I get more excited about eating breakfast than reading about You. When You speak I’m not listening. When You scream I rebel. When I hear silence I grumble, and I mistake Your whispers for myself.
Tentatively I apologize out of fear of reoccurrence, but I boldly state that I am willing to change. Living this way has produced a numbed voyage in a muddled quest to know You, and has formed in me the hardest of hearts. No longer will I TRY to assemble an expected, reproduced relationship. Nor will I pretend to comprehend the approach to loving You Jesus. I am simply pursuing my deepest craving. I WANT YOU.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
The Battlegrounds
- Markus Edwards
- Lives for Christ
13 comments:
Mark, that is a crazy prayer. Seriously, I think that's those are the thoughts that I have always had too, but have never been able to put into words.
any words impaticular
Jake's right dude, them's some good words.
As I was reading that I seriously felt like you had stolen the words right out of my heart, that maybe somehow I actually wrote that at one point.
It is sad that all of those things are so true of me...and also of so true of many other believers. We talk about having a "personal relationship" with God, but if I am honest with myself I don't feel that way 90% of the time.
I really like this prayer as it aligns with my true hearts cry.
Okay, Markie, we all agree you are an insect.
Seriously, though, you are in a good place. Your attitude is right. Now all you need to do is add some intentional, well directed effort. Don't be passive and wait for grace to "rain down." Come with me under the bridge and we will look for Him.
Ive been stepping out in my faith more than I ever have before, and waking up early every day to hang out with God (whcih ive never done before)......
...and then that feeling comes. I got tired of schedule and routine and needed excitement. It lasted a few days, until I got real with God and simply focused on the point that I want Him.
...But what is funny is, after I did that, I found excitement in the same routine and schedule I had before.
ATTITUDE is HUUUUUUUUGE
But what is even bigger stepping out and acting on that attitude.
WELL DIRECTED is a good term to use.... but what does that even mean? and is that pretty general or is that something everyone needs to understand in their own way?
Try breaking the routine, like going on a meditative walk or incorporating movement into your time. Then go show compassion to someone that is suffering. The Master modeled this for us.
Well directed means some things put us in a better position to receive grace than others. It is really about discipleship. We need to be taught and shown those spiritual disciplines that will address what we need and where we need to change. Bottom line? A mentor. Not just any mentor, but someone who has something to teach because they have mastered it themselves. These are hard to find, but worth looking for. Until that time, throw out what you have been taught and spend the next 6 months reading through the gospels slowly and reflectively and learn from the Master.
Thanks. I think I will do that.
It is extremely difficult to hear God speak to me, because my heart is hardened from blatently ignoring his voice for so long. Is it wrong/wierd to think that???
If you are like most of us, his voice is being drowned out by the other voices from our body, mind, and social aspects. That is part of the intentional, well-directed effort part. You have to learn to "shove back the wild animals" as CS Lewis put it. How do you do that? That is where you look to Jesus. How did he do it? How have his disciples through the ages done it? How has your ideas and what you have been taught tripping you up?
yea...I need to get away from the constant and surrounding noise I so readily welcome.
I need silence.
Yea I pretty much agree with everyone in the fact that you read my mind, and also agree that I get bored with schedules and really just bored in general, which almost makes me sick when I think about it, because I am saying I get sick of reading God's word...yea that's pretty bad, but true. so I am definitely going to seek God with all of my being, and make Jesus my number one priority. But something that might help with others is that there is a verse I try to read everday to get me inspired to read my Bible is Psalm 119:15-16, "I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word."
Delighting in Jesus' decress makes me want to go and be a fool now.
Post a Comment